Q&A: On the Cake

Is The Cake a lie?

You know, I get asked this question so often, my genitals shrivel up into a gaping black hole at the very mention of cake now. The cake in question is simply misunderstood. It is the despicable, filth-spewing trash like you that give The Cake a bad name.

The truth is that before The Cake died, she worked to support fifteen children, including a cupcake born without any icing and a half-eaten stroodle. As if that wasn’t enough, The Cake worked two jobs (one, the well-publicised assistant manager job for a certain science company, and the other as a headlining stripper for the local “Little Debbie” warehouse) and secretly volunteered for charity.

If you still think the cake is a lie, F**K YOU.

Is it true that–

Furthermore, it’s sad that so many people waste all their time on running another person’s name through the dirt, and if you think for one second–

Wait I have more questions to–

No, F**k YOU! I’m sick of you and your questions! You’re gonna sit down and shut up, you doughphobic piece of nazi trash!

Wtf is your problem?

I’ve been watching a lot of MSNBC.

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