Stop Following Me.

It’s come to my attention that quite a few people are following me on Twitter. This has to stop, now. Obviously those who are already following me may as well continue, since the damage is already done, and unfollowing can only add to the confusion.

But for the rest of you, I must insist that no matter what happens, no matter how many uncomfortable chuckles I get from you, you must resist the ungodly urge you’re getting right now to click this link and follow me.

While I understand that people enjoy my

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poetry and in-depth social commentary, the absolute misery I experience every single day waking up to remember how many people want to follow me on twitter is not, in my humble opinion, worth it.

To reinforce this point, I leave an excerpt from a transcripted MSNBC interview with @emobob69, a victim of this terrible problem:

emobob: […]And I was just– it just hurt, y’know? Every waking second, like… “Wow. Twitter.”, y’know? It was so, like–

Sharpton: So a lot of racial hatred went around back then, eh?

emobob: Yeah. But, like– wait, what?

Sharpton: Racism. A lot of people hated you for using that medium, the tweeter, because of how it doesn’t discriminate, how it unites.

emobob: What are you even–

Sharpton: (Holds up hand for silence) Listen I know… (emobob continues talking) Hush, hush, I know, I know how it is like that. I understand your forums were overrun by what the kids call, “Trolls”, is that correct?

emobob: Well, yeah, but I never–

Sharpton: My point is– let me… let me speak for a minute– my point is that there’s obviously some ulterior motives behind all that effort. What’s the oldest ulterior motive in the book? I think you see where I’m–

emobob: Dude, where the f**k did you get–

Sharpton: (Holds up hand for silence) Let me… Hey, let me finish. I can help you with this problem. I know some people. I charge very low rates nowadays, and if you–

emobob: (Reaches above camera and screen goes blank.)

Sharpton: What– what happened? Did the connection go out? We need to stop using FaceTime.

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