Medvice: Recommended Coffee Drinking Schedule (Student Edition)

oh my gosh guys so i was thinking that i should blog about healthy living because im living and probobly also healthy and i was drinking coffeeeee just now and i thought hey ill talk about regulating cofffeee intake and stuff so heres a schedule i tend to follow unless im suffering from caffiene crash and then i just lay on the floor and drool a lot untilmymom finds meandpicksmeupandcarriesmetobedsoanywayherescoffeeeefanpgnrkzhnanwi odfb xcbxcgefgtyhr

4:00 Wake up for school.

4:05 Still Waking Up.

5:00 Get out of bed because mom is dragging me by my hair.

5:01 Prepare coffee maker. Make as strong as possible, using the power of WikiHow.

5:10-5:15 Stare at coffee maker.

5:17 Fill up thermos and slip Folgers can (also coffee maker) into backpack.

5:20-7:00 Drinking Coffee on bus. I like to savor the first cup, because I never remember the ones after that.

7:00 COFFEEEEEE: Go to class feeling like a million bucks that only got three hours sleep because Twitter.

8:30 Starting to wear off, I think. Maybe, not sure. Not twitching as much, anyway. Sneak into restroom. There is a plug here. Not sure why, don’t care. COFFEE.

8:40 Why is everybody moving so slow? WHY ARE U MOOVING SO SLOW.

8:40.03 If I wave my hand in front of my face it’s really blurry.

8:40.06 I bet I could dodge bullets right now. Not completely sure, should drink more coffee just to be safe, then ask teacher to shoot me.

8:40.07 I bet she would. She never liked me.

8:41 WHAT DOO U MEEN I CANT GO TO RSTROOM AGAIN

8:42 Fine, Ms.Yelenhag. I can wait.

8:42.01 OH MY GAWD DOES THIS CLASS EVER END?!?

8:42.7 NO I WILL NOT STOP BANGING MY HEAD AGAINST MY DESK MS YELENHAG KISS MY STRATE WITE TUSH

8:42.7.2 Screw these people. With enough coffee I  WILL   BE     A       GOD.

8:43 Eat remaining coffee grounds from can before security gets here.

8:45 HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHACCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFFEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

?:?? Wake up in small white padded room.

?:?? This jacket is too tight. Can’t even move my arms.

?:?? Petite Indian Woman with surprisingly sexy mustache opens door and walks in.

?:?? She has a cup of coffee! Gimmiegimmiegimmiegimmie

?:?? She says something that makes my stomach drop, eyes water, jaw clench, and bowls move:

“This is Decaf;

Your recovery begins now.”

?:?? NNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

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