Christmas is Retarded.

SWM apologizes for the recent inactivity, as our main contributor has fallen mysteriously ill and it’s thrown the staff for a bit of a loop. Here’s a holiday post reposted from my personal blog. As I am contractually obligated to say: Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays.

Also, WARNING: Explicit language & a hefty dose of reality ahead.

Ron Rich Rants

So here we are again, like a 60-year-old widower revisiting the hoar house to have the company of a fugly 23-year-old crackhead for 2 hours. Now keep in mind I’m speaking objectively here; all of the preceding and following are fact-based conclusions that any reasonable person who honestly seeks to be fully informed (of which there are virtually none, excepting myself) would reach. That being said, Christmas is a cancerous cultural plague who’s endless mountains of money is wasted on presents for ungrateful little shits like my nephew Timothy in Sand Hill and donations to lazy drug-addled cunts who can’t be bothered to spend a little of that sweet sweet meth money on clothes (WHY DON’T YOU JUST USE THE MONEY YOU SPEND ON SANTA SUITS AND BELLS, SALVATION ARMY?!?), instead of where it could be put to better use via donations to American Atheists or Feminist Frequency or to clean my fucking toilet. I…

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Retraction: “Walking Dead Game Season 3 Script LEAKED!!!”

OFFICIAL STATEMENT

The writer that authored SWM’s most recent post made an egregious factual error for which SWM would like to apologize. Rest assured, the writer in question will be reprimanded somehow– though, due to contractual obligations, staff shortage, and widespread administrative apathy, their employment cannot be terminated/threatened/mildly inconvenienced at this time. For those whom have not yet noticed the error themselves, see the image below:

Well, Fuck.

Again, we at SWM humbly ask for the forgiveness of our many, many, many loyal readers for this reckless display of typographical carelessness. We have always striven for 100% professionalism and proper journalistic ethics, and this sort of lingual misinformation being spread by our writers will not be tolerated (unless we have difficulty stopping it).

All that aside, I’ve been officially appointed as the gaming writer for the site. You know, since I actually know what the flying fuckballs I’m talking about. Look forward to seeing me report on gaming news that actually matters (indie) and reviewing games that aren’t infuriatingly overrated sacks of slimy skunk shit (of which there’s, like, two in the last twenty damn years). See you round.

Ron Rich