“Hiatus” (An Epic), Book 36 [Excerpt]

“There is no more time, XAV!” Irvenflanore, the noble Uni-Centaur Warrior, yelled.

I wiped a bead of sweat from my brow as I fumbled with the magic-bomb’s wiring. This was it. Time to make a choice. As I hovered the toenail-clippers over a red wire, I thought once more of Shehorse, the beautiful centaur princess I had grown to love, but alas, due to biological limitations, could never hope to be with. A single sexy tear slid down my cheek as I clipped the wire.

The villanous Yizimat, whose soul was bound to the magic-bomb, cried out, then collapsed, falling dramatically into the Hell-Pit of Gurgleperk. I breathed a sigh of relief. It was over. I could finally return to my loyal Blog Kingdom.

That was when the Mutant Space Whales suddenly attacked from the heavens.

 Read the rest by purchasing this new sure-to-be-a-classic memoir* saga on Amazon.com!

*Inspired by a story based on true events

This is Not a Post.

This right here is Not a Post

as you can clearly see

it’s just a bit of silly filler

sh*t upon your screen.

I had a really funny thing that I was going to say

but all for naught as I got caught in other things today

I was going to put ‘up’ in between words ‘caught’ and ‘in’

but I couldn’t fit it into the rhythm of the iambic pentameter I decided to use, for some reason.

Crap  I just messed up the rhythm

Now I’m really screwed

But I guess I could call it ‘Avant Garde’

and get, like, a bunch of awards and stuff.

So here’s my silly filler spit into your face with glee

you can comment how you want, just don’t unfollow me.

Please.

[Seriously though, super slight hiatus due to stocking up on posts (trying to post every day-ish) and other reasons so profound as to actually blow your vastly inferior brains out the back of your head (so I won’t mention them). Will definitely probably post by tonight maybe.]

The Butter-Lover Mother

The butter-lover mother loved a tub of butter

Other utters muttered, “Hey, we might be next.”

Another butter-lover coveted the mother’s butter

Above the butter tub the lover’d hover, undercover

Once the mother blundered and turned from her lovely butter

The other butter-lover snuck her butter from the chest.

OFFICIAL LYRICS: “Haz Sum Beer”, by Florida-Georgia Line (NEW SINGLE, OUT NOW!)

VERSE 1

Girl you remind me of alchohol

’cause there’s no downside to alchohol

shinin my rims till thare as clear as alchohol

I noticed your legs are really long Oooohhh

BRIDGE

Sittin’ down (by the river)

Gettin’ down (by the river)

Break it down (by the river)

Drink it down (by the river)

Drink it down,

Ooohh, Drink it down

CHORUS [2x]

‘Cause there’s nothin like a beer

I got sum here

You can haz sum

And I’ll just stare

Yeah, there’s nothin like a beer

Ohhh, there’s nothin like a beer

(you can haazzz sum)

VERSE 2

You know, gurl, I once had a thoughtsy

but then the label they went and caught me

–by the way I noticed you’re a hot-ty

with one of them there bo-dies

BRIDGE

Sittin’ down (by the river)

Gettin’ down (by the river)

Break it down (by the river)

Drink it down (by the river)

Drink it down,

Ooohh, Drink it down

CHORUS [4x]

‘Cause there’s nothin like a beer

I got sum here

You can haz sum

And I’ll just stare

Yeah, there’s nothin like a beer

Ohhh, there’s nothin like a beer

(you can haazzz sum)

VERSE 3

Beer, beer, beer, beer,

beer, beer, (HAZ SUM!)

beer, beer, beer, beer,

beer, beer, (HAZ SUM!)

beer, beer, beer, beer,

beer, beer, beer, beer,

beer, beer, beer, beer,

beer, beer, (HAZ SUM!)

BRIDGE

Sittin’ down (by the river)

Gettin’ down (by the river)

Break it down (by the river)

Drink it down (by the river)

Drink it down,

Ooohh, Drink it down

CHORUS [8x]

‘Cause there’s nothin like a beer

I got sum here

You can haz sum

And I’ll just stare

Yeah, there’s nothin like a beer

Ohhh, there’s nothin like a beer

(you can haazzz sum)

“Flopocalips”: A Freestyle [Transcript]

Imma freakin gangsta never swayed by the haters

And I got drugs up the wazoo (and I do mean anally)

More hoes than a farmer, more bitches than a dog park

If I’m an ass, you’re a baby’s head, but the soft part

I got so many guns back at my house

I haveta store em everywhere: in my underwear, my bitches’ blouse

I got an AK in my nasal cavity

You have no idea how bad it’ll be if I sneeze and now I WANT IT OUTTA ME

Achoo BOOM, A-choo BOOM

You chew shrooms? Yeah, how cool but I snort bullets faster than you can move

Also, I’m suffering from a little internal bleeding and brain dam—[collapses]