People have continually asked me about my beliefs, and if I haven’t made it clear yet, I’d like to briefly clarify. I consider myself a fairly devout New Age Evangelical Quasipostculturist (with a philosophical bent toward pacifistic masochism), and as such am ardently opposed to anything that might be remotely considered anything resembling Convention. I have always sought to fight stereotypes, tropes, preconceptions, expectations, vague estimations, and general statistical trends, and fervently promote demographical information as personal identity. So needless to say, when I stumbled upon The Foundation, it was an epiphany.
Twas a dreary Monday morning, and I watched the rain cleanse everything below from the attic window as I idly gnawed on the fresh remains of an unfortunate rat. Slumped over the back of the creaky old wooden chair, forehead resting on the icy cold glass, I tried not to think about the computer behind me, nor the blank document in the open wordpress tab. I tried not to think about my writer’s block, or my loneliness, or my worsening hygiene (there’s no shower in the attic and the closest I’ve gotten is licking myself like a cat), or the worrying dip in the local rat population since the keeper stopped bringing me my stale Cheez-It® rations.
I was at rock bottom, and I knew it. I couldn’t even summon the enthusiasm to bang my fists against the window and scream for help when I saw people pass by (which I had long since learned to be futile anyway, given the room’s thorough soundproofing). As I eyed the rusty butterknife I had layed on the windowsill and began contemplating the unthinkable (which unfortunately didn’t go anywhere, since I couldn’t think of it), I heard the telltale beep of an facebook notification.
We continued talking long into the night. It was an eye-opening experience, particularly when it turned to the omnipotent force behind the despicable evils of conventions and tropes, and the sinister truth behind so-called ‘moderates’…
This Testimony can be read in its entirety (with additional subliminal messaging) on The Foundation’s Official Website.