UPDATE: July 84, 1666 B.C.

  • Gave up waiting for you to unfollow me. You gutless twit.
  • Donated $207,847 to the greatest nostalgia bait of all time.
  • Danced in the rain. Got pneumonia.
  • Regretted refusal to get my pneumonia vaccine.
  • Killed again.
  • Figured out why the caged bird sings.
  • Shot a noisy bird.
  • (Speaking of birds, did you hear about the ‘long-lost’ To Kill A Mockingbird sequel? I’m pretty sure they tricked that poor old lady into giving them permission.)
  • Shot the mockingbird, too.
  • Contemplated giving this post the title “We’re Back!”, then disappearing again. That would be funny, yes?
  • No.
  • Made insulting, underinformed generalizations about conservatives, got high-fives for my tolerant open-mindedness.
  • Built a time-machine just to make out with myself.
  • Was disappointed by my lackluster kissing skills.
  • Accidentally ripped a hole in the time-space continuum, distorting reality enough to make Lil B famous.
  • Sealed hole with duck tape.
  • Celebrated Pi Day with my mom in an abandoned pastry factory.
  • Rigged your [Device] to explode if you don’t like this post before leaving the page.
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TO DO: Ban Stuff, Launch Campaigns

It has come to the attention of the SWM Elder Council that there has not been a single campaign launched to ban something in the past two weeks. Being socially conscious (and not ignorant, intolerant conservadweeb f**ktards), we have set up this open forum for SWM members to submit possible campaign ideas. This can include, but is not limited to, some sort of cause (preferably insanely vague or weirdly specific), a victim or group of victims, and someone to villainize, preferably SWM’s themselves. A submission(s) will be chosen and redirected to the nearest appropriate minority organization, as we ourselves are, of course, not qualified to speak on whatever it is.

EDITOR’S NOTE: Nuance and empathy will result in automatic disqulification.

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