Retraction: “Walking Dead Game Season 3 Script LEAKED!!!”

OFFICIAL STATEMENT

The writer that authored SWM’s most recent post made an egregious factual error for which SWM would like to apologize. Rest assured, the writer in question will be reprimanded somehow– though, due to contractual obligations, staff shortage, and widespread administrative apathy, their employment cannot be terminated/threatened/mildly inconvenienced at this time. For those whom have not yet noticed the error themselves, see the image below:

Well, Fuck.

Again, we at SWM humbly ask for the forgiveness of our many, many, many loyal readers for this reckless display of typographical carelessness. We have always striven for 100% professionalism and proper journalistic ethics, and this sort of lingual misinformation being spread by our writers will not be tolerated (unless we have difficulty stopping it).

All that aside, I’ve been officially appointed as the gaming writer for the site. You know, since I actually know what the flying fuckballs I’m talking about. Look forward to seeing me report on gaming news that actually matters (indie) and reviewing games that aren’t infuriatingly overrated sacks of slimy skunk shit (of which there’s, like, two in the last twenty damn years). See you round.

Ron Rich

Walking Dead Game Season 3 Script LEAKED!!!

For the first time ever in the history of all everythings, a company has had information on it’s products leaked. Namely, an excerpt from a first draft script for The Walking Dead Game, Season 3. In response, the CEO of Telltale had this to say:

michael-scott-no

Being comprised of responsible journalists, Every Gaming Site Ever has decided to share this leak. In a shocking and brilliant twist, the leak reveals that Kenny has apparently survived (again), though this excerpt appears to be set well after this reveal, presumably an episode or two into the season. The excerpt goes as follows (SPOILER WARNING!).

Clementine and the rest of the group (Kenny, Marge, Marge’s Baby, Oscar, and Clementine) run into the Break Room and lock the door behind them as the entire school is flooded with Walkers. There are no windows or other doors.

Kenny: Shit, there’s no fuckin’ way out!
Clementine: Don’t worry, the door seems really strong. I don’t think they even saw us. They’ll wander off eventually.
Kenny: But how the fuck long will that take? We don’t have any fuckin’ food with us! We’ll starve, for fuck’s sake!
Clementine: It should only take a few minutes.
Marge: I agree. It shouldn’t take long.

Kenny turns to eye Marge, then looks down to eye the baby held in Marge‘s arms. He licks his lips.

Kenny: We have to eat the baby.

DRAMATIC MUSIC STAB.

Marge: What? No!
Kenny: We have no fuckin choice, goddamit! We have to eat the fuckin baby! Gestures towards the napkin holder on the table. We can light these napkins up and cook it real thorough-like–
Clementine: Kenny–
Kenny: YOU shut the fuck up, Clementine! I’m gettin’ real sick and fuckin’ tired of havin’ to make all the tough fuckin’ choices around here! Especially with you always tryna fuckin stab me in the fuckin’ back like this! Ffffffuck!
Oscar: [Panicked] Can’t we just give it a little more time?
Kenny: There is no more fuckin’ time, goddamit! Look around you! Do you see any time? No? You know why? Cause there is no more fuckin’ time, goddamit!
Clementine: Looks Around. But what about the vending machines–
Kenny: Stop fuckin’ tryna fuckin change fuckin’ the fuckin’ subject, fuckin’ Clemen-fuckin’-tine! We have to do something about this, NOW!
Marge: [Crying] No! I won’t let you do it!
Kenny: Then I have no choice! Pulls out gun.

Oscar sees this and audibly shits himself.

Clementine: Kenny, PLEEASE!
Oscar: Sighs. He’s right, Clem.
Clementine: What? No!
Oscar: [Resigned] There’s no other way. We have to eat the baby.
Kenny: Exactly! It’s the baby or all of us!
Clementine: I–
Kenny: There ARE no good choices, Clem! It’s kill everyone or eat the baby! Now choose!
Marge: [Sobbing Loudly] What a dilemma!

Kenny‘s grip on the gun slips and it flies through the air, landing between Kenny and Clementine.

Kenny: Shit!

Kenny runs for the gun as time slows down for the player.

CHOICE:

  • EAT THE BABY
  • KILL EVERYONE